New Season of Television

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Since writing for television has always been one of my life objectives, I’ve noticed that the current television season has the… how shall I put this delicately?… the stench of three-week-old roadkill. It is time to replace some of the programs currently insulting our intelligence with ones that will make us violently ill. Check out the Best info about Pandya Store Spoilers.

As the Secret Ambassador to Better Television Quality and a regular Capitalist Pig, it just so happens that I have numerous pilots on the shelf, ready to be shot and sure to send the audience racing for the remote. I can do this because, now that the writers’ strike has ended, I can stroll down the street without being referred to as a “scab” (show of hands). How many television writers did not go home during the strike and continued to develop scripts? You should be ashamed).

“What qualifies this guy to tell me what I’m going to watch on TV?” you may wonder. First and foremost, someone is out there right now, earning a pretty good living, which suggests you watch “Cashmere Mafia.”

Now for my credentials. Yes, my original ambition was to become the all-time “Couch Potato” (or “Couch Potatoe” if Dan Quayle is reading this) to the point where my photograph would appear alongside the word “couch potato” in the next edition of Webster’s Dictionary. That’s when I realized that if someone had to write this nonsense, why not me?

Aside from those credentials, I am also the creator of other unsold pilots, including “Donny and Marie Love Joanie and Chachi.” There’s also “77 Sunset Strip to Your Shorts,” my series about a cool California Army recruiting office. And “Spitting For Dollars,” a game show I’m sure would have taken off if I had the chance.

I must dust up these soon-to-be epics and add a few new ones. Some of these to keep an eye out for are:

1. In the new drama series “Turning A Prophet,” a corrupt, womanizing mafia becomes the interpreter of a divine higher being.

2. In the new popular comedy “Harry’s Simian Corral,” a Wyoming rancher gives up herding horses and maintains a monkey farm. You’ll laugh until your sides break.

3. Because reality shows appear to be a growing threat to our paranoid fears, I’ve produced a new syndication-bound series and a forty-share, “Traffic Court.” Tune in every week to see unethical drivers make unlawful right-on-red turns. Feel the stress rise as you ride with a meter maid and patiently wait with her as she sits, pad in hand, until the red violation sign appears on a handicapped space meter. Watch as a Cocker Spaniel is charged with driving without a license in “Traffic Court.” There’s no stopping the action, drama, or reality of another show designed to entice a group of sensational, sadistic viewers.

4. “Sesame Street 90210” is for the youngster who is too young to grasp the predicament of the hormonally active teenager but too old for the kiddy shows that are currently available.

5. Game shows will always be popular on television, and I have one that will make you shake your head in disbelief. Have you ever imagined what it would be like to shoplift without being recognized by Winona Ryder? Then follow contestants entering crowded department stores to determine who can steal the most items in “Steal Or No Steal.”

6. Finally, another daytime chat program is desperately needed on television. One that will stand out from the crowd. That’s why I invented “Peak-Say.” Rew-Day Arey-Cay hosts a chat program entirely in Pig Latin.

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